2017 GREAT BRITISH BEER FESTIVAL

This weekend sees the end of the 2017 Great British Beer Festival. A group of us met up on Thursday for what was my 14th consecutive visit. We have this reunion every year and its a chance to catch up, and take the piss out of each other for nearly 6 hours of drinking.

I met a mate in Kings Cross Station then we travelled on the Tube to Barons Court, which is about 10 minutes walk from Kensington Olympia, the festival venue. The tube was crammed with standing room only. After the tube and the walk through the streets, it was a relief  to have to stand again in a long queue till noon opening time. Such was the queue length we didnt actually get into the building till 20 past. It should be noted at this point that, despite travelling the furthest ( from Durham) , again I was first there. After us 2, the rest just sauntered in later. " Queue? What Queue?"   

Now every year I take my own food. An investment in some cheap pies is always a good idea. Usually past their sell by date, they keep me going throughout the afternoon. This year I brought some CAMRA magazines down so had my backpack. They have tightened security so there was a mandatory bag search inside the venue.  

" Can you open the bag please" I was asked by this stern individual. 
"Theres only magazines and some out of date pork pies"  (Note the attempt at some humour there). 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He remained stony faced throughout. Probably totally pissed off that he would have to do this for the rest of the afternoon while we all enjoyed ourselves.

 

We found a table with enough room for 6 then I went off to buy a festival glass. The counter for the glasses was longer than our bar at our beer festival. This little guy behind the counter held up glass as I offered my £3. He then proceeded to stick his tongue out, which ended in a point. He never said a word, but he looked like an extra from Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. The tongue went back in as the transaction completed.

Now, onto the beer. The winner of the Champion Beer of Britain had been announced 2 days previously.  Church End " Goats Milk" was the winner. 

Finding the beer in the 84 page program, I set off for bar B6 to find the beer had sold out but would be back on at 2.15. Not to worry, I ordered my first drink at the same bar , Bathams Mild, which turned out to be my favourite of the day !!

Now was a chance to take stock of the festival layout bar locations. There were more than 20 bars selling real ale, cider, perry, real ale in a bottle and foreign beers. 900 beers and ciders were available ( well, 899 as the Goats Milk wasnt), and nearly 20 food stalls. The program contained a full listing of every drink and food stall. The description for S35 Fish & Chips was very succinct - it said Fish & Chips !

The beer list had been previously published online so had an idea what i wanted. It was just a matter of finding the right bar. It was commented mid afternoon that some of the bars are that far to walk from our table that by the time you get there you've forgotten what you came for.

Titanic Brewery had there own bar and I was keen to try Plum Porter Grand Reserve ( what ever that means) . This was 6.5% so as I like strong dark beers I was expecting something special. Wrong ! The plummy aroma of the original was less pronounced and it tasted a bit "thin". Back to the drawing board guys, I think you just sank with that  one.

Soon  it was time to see if the Goats Milk was on, so i wandered up to B6. Seeing the handpull in use I walked up to the bar coming in from the left. 

This grunt wearing a fluorescent jacket and a radio mike said. " Can I help you sir ?"  

Yeah, "half of the Goats Milk please" 

" Join the queue then" he pointed to my right and to a long line of hopefuls queuing. I thought, bollocks to this so ordered a local beer, Errant Clever Girl which was quite drinkable.

I heard later the Goats Milk had sold out again. I just thought, all those buggers queuing for a drink they had never heard of, to then sip it and then comment sagely about its aroma , taste etc. I can wait till next time.

During all this by the way , the out of date Tesco Pork Pies were going down a treat. I had left then on the table , for some reason no one else would touch them. Cant yet figure out why.

So after nearly 6 hours , it was time for one last drink, so i opted for Tiny Rebel Stay Puft, a Marshmallow Stout.  Tasty way to end the day.

Ive worked out I had 11 different beers and 1 cider of varying styles; from new and long standing breweries -  and it turns out my favourite was the first drink I had, the Bathams Mild, which has been around for years.

A great day out , very tiring as didnt get home till 11pm, but already looking forward to next year .

 

BEER AND YOUTH HOSTELLING

The other day a new Northumberland National Park Visitor Centre, called the Sill near Hadrian's Wall, opened. Its in Once Brewed, next door to the pub Twice Brewed ( no, me neither).Mrs Ken and me fancied a day out so we went there yesterday. Noting there was a shop, I said " I wonder if they sell any local bottles of beer"  She sighed and rolled her eyes. Sure enough, beer bottles from the Muckle Brewery.(no me neither again!). 

They are a recent start up in Haltwhistle and the beers on offer were a Stout, a Red Ale, a Golden Ale and an Amber Ale. No IPA!! Respect ! Anyhow, bought a bottle of stout then noticed at the other end of the centre was a Youth Hostel. Very Smart. I last visited a youth hostel the day Elvis dies ( in Cambridge - the Youth Hostel, not Elvis).

So stared musing about the good times we had when we were young, single and carefree. 

A group of us lads stayed in Kielder Hostel at the end of the 60s. The area is now buried under water but in those days it was a small building run by a old bearded warden with one leg. We felt really guilty as we had booked to have meals provided. Little realising he ran the place himself, including doing all the cooking while supported by a crutch. Us healthy lads being waited on as he balanced the plates.

Fast forward to 1973 , three of use decided to walk the Cleveland Way, starting in Helmsley, up through Guisborough to Saltburn, then down the coast to Scarborough then Filey. It would be a combination of hosteling and camping.

Reaching Guisborough on the 4th day, we found a field, pitched the tent and set off down to the pub,  which I think was called the Fox Inn. Its still there. Anyhow, got pissed and headed back to the tent. Were just settling down in our sleeping bags when we heard this snorting noise then suddenly the tent shook. Sticking our heads out of the flap, there was this huge horse kicking the bloody tent down. We beat the world record that night for taking a tent down, running over the lane to another field and putting the tent back up. Not been back to Guisborough since - too scared.

A few days later found us in Scarborough Youth Hostel . The three of us met up with this German - Swiss student. The first night we caught the bus into town and had a few. Now in those days Youth Hostels closed at 1030 but two of the lads want to go clubbing. I couldn't be arsed so got the bus back with the student. I was well away and was finding it difficult to converse with him in English. So I thought, I know I'll give German a go, having been taught it at school. So I proudly stated I used to speak  a little German and as an example managed to blurt out the word for pencil (bleistift) 

"Sehr Gut" he said. at least that's what I thought he said ! To this day, I do not know why I picked the word for pencil on a Friday night bus in Scarborough! 

Anyhow, I said to the lads I would leave the communal bedroom window open so they could climb in later. My bunk was next  to the window so helpfully I put a chair under the window so they wouldn't have to jump onto the floor when they climbed in, The major flaw with this was I they didnt know about the chair.

2 o clock in the morning, the open window opens wide and in climbed mate number one. Hitting the chair with his leg, sending it crashing to the floor followed by himself. 

I learnt a lot of new swear words that night !   Happy days 

    . 

BEER IN PLASTIC GLASSES AND A MISHAP IN RICHMOND

Friday gone saw the start of the 2017 Sunderland International Airshow. Another event , timed to coincide, was the reopening of the Smugglers pub on Roker Beach. Now called Grannie Annie's , we called at the very start of the Airshow. Confronted by 3 Maxim Hand-pulls ( Swedish Blonde, Double Maxim and Lambtons), I opted for Double Maxim, which was served to me in a plastic glass.

 

Fair enough if I was going to sit outside , but we stayed indoors and weren't  offered a choice. I suspect it was for staff convenience with the anticipated rush later. ( we had a look in on the way to see the fireworks later and the place was rammed !!)

Anyhow, this got me thinking about plastic glasses. Somehow the beer doesn't taste the same and seems to warm up quicker. I can see the need at say a pop festival or at a public outdoor area with a hard surface.

Speaking of which ( finally - ed) about 5 years ago a group of us went on a pub crawl in Richmond ( Yorks). While having breakfast in the town' s Wetherspoons, a couple of bearded individuals sidled over with some leaflets.

Fancy calling to the Market Hall for our local CAMRA beer festival lads, it starts in an hour?

We promised we would so after breakfast and doing a couple of pubs, we headed for the market hall. Now when we do these trips, one of our group brings a quiz. Comprising several sheets of paper , its contained in a see through plastic wallet with a zip.

The hall had a cobbled stone floor, so the beer was served in plastic glasses. One of our lot just growled and muttered to himself throughout, glowering at his glass. In the corner of the hall was the gents, and just outside the door, was another  door at right angles. This door was open and behind it was a shelf. Bamber Gasgoigne, clutching his plastic wallet, headed to the loo. Seeing the shelf , he put his questions on it and went in the loo. 

I didnt see what happened next, but he came out of the gents and turned towards the open door to retrieve his quiz questions. Except the door wasn't open anymore...it was locked !. In the time taken for him to relieve himself, someone had walked over, shut the door , locked it and buggered off.

Well the rest of us were pissing ourselves. Fearing his life work was lost, Magnus Magnussun  frantically dashed up the CAMRA bar and asked if they could contact whoever had locked the door. Luckily, the guy had a mobile and so he returned to much fanfare and applause about 20 minutes later.

Typing this Ive just remembered something. The pub we visited before the festival was the Bishop Blaize. Sitting in the pub garden I said. I believe Richmond Castle is near the town centre.

You mean that tall tower behind you ?, the rest pointed out. 

Stupid boy !

   

MISTAKEN IDENTITY IN KESWICK

 It is said there is a typical male CAMRA Member. :

Mid 60's bald or balding, grey beard, pot belly and wears a fat bastard T shirt.

So park that thought for a while,

After it was announced in the news that the Lake District had been awarded World Heritage Site status by UNESCO, I suggested a trip over to Keswick before the inevitable rush started. I found a Keswick Tourist map which  had pictures of various places to visit.

" Oh look " said Mrs Ken. "There is a Brewery Lane and a Keswick Brewery!"

" Is there really ? "

I was also keen to visit the Wetherspoons in town, The Chief Justice of the Common Pleas. This was a former police station and magistrates court, and still retains the prisoners dock, magistrates bench and 3 cells ( see photos).

So after an hours cruise in the sun on Derwentwater, it was a walk into town for lunch in Spoons.

Then it was time to find the Keswick Brewery which began operation in 2004 and is located on the site of a former brewery which closed in 1897.

 

I had with me some CAMRA Angle magazines to leave in the small bar and shop. so as a typical CAMRA stereotype I  asked the guy behind the bar :-"Can I leave these real ale magazines please ?"

"Yes no problem, I recognise you from the last time you left some !!"

I HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE IN MY LIFE !!

 

SAMUEL SMITHS

I recently had an absolutely wonderful bottle of Samuel  Smiths Organic Chocolate Stout. Its made from organic chocolate malt and organic cocoa extract. I cant normally smell most beers but the distinctive aroma of cocoa tempts the nostrils. A fantastic stout. I am beginning to regret only buying 1 bottle.

Sam Smiths is based in Tadcaster and is the oldest brewery in Yorkshire.  I think I'm right in saying that the only real ale they produce is Old Brewery (OB)Bitter. It seems it  can only be found in their own pubs, so as a result there is no pubco mark up and hence is usually cheap.

COLPITTS

I used to drink it occasionally in the Colpitts in Durham in the 70's which I am pleased to say still sells it . We started a Durham pub crawl in there in 2011 for a mate who now lives in Australia. He said the best beer of the day was the OB.

Ive not tried their keg beers but there are some wonderful other bottles available.They seem to like making stouts as their Oatmeal Stout and Imperial Stout are as good as this one.  The trouble is they are not supplied in supermarkets, well not up here anyway. 
 

Its interesting that some breweries shy away from dark beers and indeed do some pubs. 

When challenged , "why don't you sell more dark beers ?"  

"Well customers prefer  lighter beers " 

" But you sell Guinness !"

So hats off to Sam Smiths for this cracking stout. Worth seeking out in a bottle shop near you ! 

COCK UP YOUR BEAVER

Ive just returned from Glasgow and another fantastic afternoon at the Glasgow Beer Festival. Its held every year in the Briggait Arts Studios. Its behind the Clutha, the riverside pub that made the news when a helicopter crash landed on its roof.

Anyhow , this is my third visit. I also go myself while the family go round the shops; however, within 5 minutes of sitting down, there is always someone friendly to talk to. This time a couple from Manchester, so we spent at least half an hour reliving the best pubs in the city. 

Another guy on the table was a CAMRA local who, the more he drank, kept coming out with wise and funny statements. The best was :

" Do you notice when young people come to a festival, they make a dash to the bar and order their drink first, then look for a seat. We old ones make a dash to find a seat first, then go to order a drink"

On the subject of drink, we finally get round to the title of this post. The festival had over 150 ales, ciders and foreign beers. On a Facebook post before we headed up to Glasgow I spotted a picture taken from the festival programme of a beer brewed at Bute Brewery called Cock Up Your Beaver. There then followed the usual comments about the name. In fact one CAMRA volunteer posted while I was there that he enjoyed saying to any women looking at beers where he was serving " Would you like to try a Cock up your Beaver ?

 
The name is actually the title of a Robbie Burns Poem. A beaver, in this context, was a hat; hence cocking your hat. The beer is usually only brewed in time for Burns night.

Personally, I thought the marketing was better than the beer. Its a 4.5% red ale; it was Ok.

Other great names were  " 99 Red Babons", "Betty and the Gardens- B side" and another imaginative name from Rat Brewery ; Raturday Night Fever"

The last two times Ive been was on a Saturday. Both times we were "entertained" by the Caledonian Brewery Bagpipe Band ( I don't do bagpipes) . This time I was there on a Friday, so I asked one guy behind the bar if the bagpipes were going to be on. "Saturday"" he said. Forgetting where I was I said "Great!" He glowered and walked away. 

And finally, the best beer for me this time wasn't actually a beer ; Toffee Apple Cider" Gorgeous !

Same time next year.

BEER FLAVOURED CRISPS

The other day I was wandering through a local supermarket and spotted these crisps. An acquaintance mentioned later  they also sell Hobgoblin flavoured crisps.(?)

Now when  I was a lad, all you could get was plain crisps with a blue bag of salt in them. Then new flavours were introduced till what became my favourite, Mint Sauce Flavour. Dont see it now but a few years ago I spotted in Tesco some Old Peculier Flavoured Crisps. I bought a packet. Did they taste of Old Peculier ? Did they bollocks ?

Back to the photograph, the small print says " with a splash of real ale " I have a mental picture of a factory worker holding a packet of these crisps under a real ale handpull, a quick pull and a squirt ( if you will pardon the expression.) , then passing it down the line to seal the packet.

Anyhow, in April 2015 a group of us visited the Jarrow Brewery for a tour, some samples , then back on the bus to McConnells Gin & Ale House for some more beers and a pizza. The night was going great, I did a quiz. Then one of the guys wandered over from the bar and placed discreetly on our table an opened packet of peanuts. " Here you go lads, try these "  Then he sauntered off.

" Oh , Cheers mate " etc etc.

Unsuspecting, we all tucked in, then stopped, with our mouths burning and eyes streaming. They were chilli flavoured peanuts. ! 

Bastard.