FAIRYTALE FROM NEWCASTLE

Once upon a time Show White Beard and the Seven Drunks went on a pub crawl in Gosforth  ( North Newcastle).  It would prove to be a long day, with excitement and disappointment in equal measure. We do these pub crawls about five times a year and one of our number , Mr Interrogator, compiles a quiz for which we passionately compete for a trophy.

Meeting up at Haymarket Bus station in Newcastle,  we boarded a bus to take us on the 10 minute journey to Gosforth High Street. Our first encounter  was  an  11am breakfast in the Job Bulman, a Wetherspoons.  This one is named after a local doctor, who in the 18th century, had a hand in the development of this suburb. It was quite busy but we managed to get an 8 seater table.

On the bus Mr  Cockney made a startling observation -  that all Wetherspoons appear to be named after people ! What, like the Milecastle, The Union Rooms, The Lambton Worm you mean ?

One of the beers on offer was from Hambletons and was called Hooker. " Can I have a hooker please ?" The barman didnt flinch. Last week I asked for a Smoked Rat in Fitzgeralds in Sunderland. ( that's a beer from the Rat brewery, not a local delicacy)

Anyhow, back to the story. All of the pubs we planned to visit after breakfast were about 2 minutes walk from each other; the pubs being

The County

Brandling Arms

Queen Victoria

Gosforth.

Its worth mentioning at this point that several footy matches would be taking place during our visit, including Newcastle Utd playing at home about 3 miles away. 

But first, The County just down the High Street, where the Spurs Arsenal game was about to start live on TV. This pub makes regular appearances in the Good Beer Guide, with 8 ales available.

We started the quiz and enjoyed a couple of pints. Mr Cockney was disappointed with Arsenal getting a draw, so we left for the Brandling Arms. On the way out I turned round and saw a sign i had missed on the way in, indicating CAMRA members get 10% discount. I had just bought 14 pints of real ales out of the kitty ! Why no sign inside behind the bar ? Humph.

The Brandling Arms was the only pub on the day I hadn't been into before. It looked posh on the outside and this was the case on the inside with 3 handpulls on the bar. There weren't many punters in and we soon found out why - the round came to over £30.  

" How much" we all chorused.

Only stayed for one....too upmarket for us lot.

By now the 3pm footy matches had kicked  off so along the High Street to the Queen Victoria. There were a few customers in but we still managed to squeeze the 8 of us round a table for 6.

This time I asked the right question of the barmaid , "Do you do CAMRA discount ?". 

"Yes" came the reply "and a loyalty card - buy 7 pints and get a free pint in the next round" - sorted *. 

By now some gloom descended over 2 of our party, Mr Black and Mr White were seeing Newcastle Uniteds score on the TV vidiprinter go from 0-0 to 1-3 by the end of the game ( they were at home to Bournemouth). By contrast , the Sunderland supporters among us were briefly euphoric, taking the lead away at Southampton, only to succumb to an injury time  equaliser. Then to top it all, the menu was removed from the table, as there were mutterings about needing more food.

"But Ive got this loyalty card for another round "  I cried to deaf ears. It was wasted - a pub with food was needed. 

So over the road to our last bar of the day , the Gosforth Hotel.  The pub was busy with 6 handpulls in use. Prices on each handpull indicated this was nearly a £1 cheaper per pint than the Brandling. There was a quieter back room and bar. So we made a beeline for that. It was empty, no customers or staff.

Now when you have had a few beers sometimes its best to concentrate. On entering the room, straight ahead is the actual back of the bar, so if you're not careful , and the bar flap is open, you end up walking behind the bar instead of in front.  Mr Naughty did this and was about to pose for me to take a picture of him impersonating Del Boy falling thru the open bar, when in stormed the landlord.

" You not supposed to be behind the bar" he barked. Given we had just ordered 8 pints and 8 meals, I thought that was a bit harsh. Poor Mr Naughty !

The mathematicians reading this may have noticed only 5 of the 7 with me have had a mention. Well when we were reaching the quiz climax, the tension was so great that Mr Sleepy dozed off. Nearly missed me winning the trophy. Well we had been on the go for nearly 8 hours !

Coming into town, Mr Dizzy felt a bit queasy on the bus, but heading home on the bus and under the influence of a few beers , was OK.  Work that one out.

What a day. ! And they all lived happily ever after.

   * Ive lost the bloody loyalty card, its around somewhere I hope.