KEN'S REVIEW OF 2018

The other night the BBC held their Sports Personality of the year awards. As usual I didnt watch it. So to celebrate that fact , here are my own, in no particular order, beer related awards for 2018.

The First In The queue For The Champion Beer Of Britain 2018 Award

That goes to yours truly ! ( I am deeply humbled)

At out regular annual visit to the Great British Beer Festival (GBBF)  it had been announced that the Champion Beer of Britain was Siren Craft Broken Dream Biscuit Stout. Every year it sells out and there is usually a sign saying " available at 3 pm".

I headed to the bar it was on and saw the handpull clip turned around. So standing there I looked up to the large sign ( that they have behind each bar) to  see what else I could have instead. I was just about to order when this CAMRA volunteer suddenly spun the pump clip round. 

Stunned I said " er er half please ". Looking round, a large queue had formed behind me . Oh, the power !

And the beer ? Well lets just say Ive forgotten what it tastes like.

Best beer at GBBF

You may think I have gone mad here. There was a Greene King bar where the brewery had on several of their beers, including the IPA. Why sell this  IPA at a beer festival ? 

Anyhow, i noticed in the programme the strongest beer was their 5X. At 12%, this oak aged beer is rarely seen and it was fantastic. Mind you, it was the last drink I had in the 6 hours I was their so that could have had a bearing on it. 




This flows nicely into the next award, Best Beer at the Sunderland Beer & Cider Festival.   

A late replacement beer was a Coco Pops Milk Stout from Hambleton Brewery. It did what it said on the label. Far superior to the Siren Broken Dream. It was voted best at the festival, a worthy winner. 

Things That Go Wrong At A Beer Festival Award 2018 

Joint winners this year ( why, have you awarded this one before - ed ?) go to The Goods Lift and the Glass Washer


The first day of the Sunderland Festival was collection and delivery of kit and beer day.  Access for the heavy stuff was from an alleyway behind the venue, then up a dodgy goods lift. The door to the alleyway locked from the inside. At the very end of the day, several of the team decided to cram into the lift together to get up to the floor of the venue where the festival was to be held. Fortunately for me, i wasnt one of them.

They hadn't appeared after several minutes and a phone call from inside established the fact the lift was stuck. We couldn't get to them from outside as the door was locked. Finding a member of staff, she rang her boss and then said " we will try and get an electrician out "  TRY ?

To reassure the trapped group, they were told they would be rescued by morning. After about 20 minutes, the lift suddenly recovered and soon the merry band spilled  out of the lift doors.

The second day was bar set up day. I decided I would do the glass washing. After a while figuring out how to work it we were soon in full flow. The venue manager came into the kitchen and said " that's broken" . Err. 

After several washes we noticed the tiled floor was getting flooded. The bloody thing was leaking !. The guy came back, saw the puddle, chucked half a dozen paper towels down , then buggered off ! He never came back !


Soon a rhythm was established, place glasses in washer ; mop floor ; remove glasses, mop floor etc .

The Most Confusing Pie Menu Award 2018   


There is a pub on the Newcastle Quayside called The Red House. A group of us were doing a summer pub crawl in Newcastle and finished up in this pub, ready for some nosh. The speciality is Pies, Mash and Peas. So far so good. There were a choice of 8 pies, 4 types of mash, 3 types of peas and 3 of gravy. There was also 6 of us onto our 6th pint of the day.

The more alert of you can see the problem here. As we each wanted  different combinations I had to place 6 separate lengthy orders. The sheet of paper  looked like a project GANTT chart.

Of course with us well away, most of us forgot what we had ordered so we just ate what was plonked in front of us ! 

The Best Pub Crawl Award 2018

In October a bunch of us set off on the bus on a mystery trip to Allendale. I knew where to but the others didnt. By a remarkable coincidence the visit coincided with the opening of a new sci-fi museum in the town.. The place was swarming with Star Wars Storm Troopers, Cybermen, Chewbacca and other dressed up characters. One pub had been taken over as a Dr Who convention, full of memorabilia and fans queuing to pay £5 for the autograph of the actor who played a sergeant in the 70's.

We were pissing ourselves laughing at all these people taking this all so seriously. Outside, Chewbacca sidled up to one on my mates and said " Your Mick aren't you, I used to work with you !" 

The Pub With The Most Pointless Place For A Pool Table 2018

For Fathers Day this year Mrs Ken, Daughter and me went on a steam train trip from Fort William to Mallaig. In Mallaig, we headed for fish and chips in the Chlachain Inn. After the food, daughter challenged me to a game of pool. Now a pool cue is 57" long. Unfortunately 2 sides of the table were less than half of that. Most of the game was spent holding the cue vertically, risking damaging the table. If you have seen Peter Sellers ( as Inspector Clouseau ) playing snooker with George Sanders in  the film, Shot in the Dark, you get the drift.

I still won ! 


And Finally The Best Pub Award 2018 

Now  I just checked, Ive been in half a dozen micropubs this year. The best, and the one I visit nearly every week is The Station House in Durham. 4 beers all on gravity and always a dark beer. The staff know what I like to drink which makes the place so welcoming.

A recent tweet stated that Old Peculier was on. 
I replied - "Keep some for Tuesday"
"Too late, but we have Old Tom coming !"

And so it was when I arrived. It coincided with the pubs 3rd birthday, so I got a free cup cake  Marvellous 

CAMRA ANGLE WINTER 54

The Winter edition of CAMRA Angle , the quarterly magazine of the Sunderland and South Tyneside branch of CAMRA, has  just been published. Copies are being  distributed to real ale pubs throughout the area , and beyond. As usual , this is another full issue and well worth a read. 


This issue has three, what I think are unique articles in their own right :-

Desert Island Breweries, A Mystery Trip and the tale of beer mat that travelled around Europe.

Being its Xmas, there are 3 timely book reviews, including the Good Beer Guide. 

Two articles revisit old haunts ( Ive never understood what that means - Ed)  . Kent Micropubs and Middesbrough Micropubs ( must do the latter sometime ! - Ed again)  

If any one gets confused about how the Pub of the Year is chosen, then this issue is for you. There is also a report about our recent beer festival.


A regular section is a news update on beer from the wood, branch and regional  pubs and  breweries in the branch as well as Locale pubs and those that offer discounts. Issue 54 is rounded off by the regular pub quiz. 

Enjoy the read !!

If you cant find a copy, follow this link to download your own,  and for more branch news. http://sst.camra.org.uk/wordpress/

 

And remember, accept no imitations. 

BEER MEMORABILIA AT BEAMISH MUSEUM

Sometimes ideas for this blog just come out of nowhere. 

Yesterday ( Nov 11th) Mrs Ken and I were at Beamish Museum for the Armistice event. After the ceremony we had a wander around and went into the Regional Resource Centre, which houses hundreds of items that are waiting go on display, or  taken off display. A lot are stacked up to the ceiling. Items such as old domestic appliances, furniture, toys and even a penny farthing bicycle.

Looking at this last one and wondering who on earth came up with an idea like that I said to Mrs Ken , to let me know if she spots any beer related items . " What, like that display behind you ?"

Some items are on shelves behind perspex panels such as these 4 wooden Theakstons Casks, 2 with XXXX, 1 with BBB and 1 with XB. Now Ive heard of and has XB but not the other two. Must look into that.

Opposite this was an even better display and I include some pictures. Being behind perspex, and with strong ceiling lights, it was hard to get the right shot, hope you can see them Ok.

Note the bar price list ( I wish some pubs would have displays like this but dont get me started.) The bottle of Roker Roar was produced by Vaux to celebrate Sunderland's Promotion to the Premier League in 1996.

Worth a visit 

 

PUB CRAWL IN A PARELLEL UNIVERSE

A few weeks ago I suggested to my mates " fancy a mystery trip pub crawl?" They were all up for it so last Saturday 8 of us convened for breakfast in the 5 Swans Newcastle. Still keeping them in suspense, we walked along to Eldon Square Bus Station and queued at the stand that said

X 10 Middlesborough ,

X82  Throckley , 

X85 Newbrough. 

They were still mystified as we got on the express for Newbrough and got off at Hexham Bus Station. 

Our next bus to our mystery destination was not for an hour so a quick pint in the County Hotel seemed the sensible thing to do. One guy, who happened to be sitting in a backwards facing seat on the bus said " so this is Throckley ?" Wrong town mate.

The Crown was quite pleasant with well kept beers but only time for a pint, as the next bus was due. So back to the bus station and the number 688 to Allenheads. We got off at Allendale Town half an hour later,  as the town had three pubs worth looking at ; The Golden Lion, The Kings Head and the Allendale Inn.

The first pub was too small for 8 of us so we opted for The Kings head which is literally next door.

But before we even got to the door , marching towards us were three some Star Wars Stormtroopers brandishing their weapons. What on earth was going on ? Turns out a new science fiction museum had opened that day in the town so they were doing some  publicity and collecting for the local school. Parking this experience,  we dived into the Kings Head for a another pint ; some bland Marstons beers.

 
After one, it was time to investigate this museum. That's when the fun started -outside was Chewbacca from Star Wars, a Cyberman with a bald head , a Dalek in a shed (?) and other characters. The museum cost £7 entrance, in unison we all said - " sod that, that's nearly 2 pints"  so after some photos, straight into the Allendale Inn which seemed to be the centre of attention. 

Inside a few tables were taken up by some Dr Who memorabilia and, as it turned out , an ex actor from Dr Who , John Levene (no,  me neither) . He was there to open the museum and sign autographs in the pub at £5 a time. There was actually people of all ages queuing up for the honour. He apparently played a sergeant in the 70's during the days of Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker.

 

We just sat there thinking we had just entered some sort of parallel universe as we came over the moors on the bus. The local townsfolk just seemed to be taking it their stride. We were pissing ourselves laughing most of the time. The height of the surrealism of it all was when back outside ,  Chewbacca came over and mentioned to one of the lads that he used to work with him !

With buses being every two hours it was time to travel back through the portal and back to Hexham and sanity. A pint in The Heart of Northumberland went down well then down to the Tannery for some excellent grub. 

Getting back to Newcastle , it seemed sensible to go for beer in the Town Mouse to round off the day and recover from what we had just seen.

In all honesty, the pubs and the beers came secondary to our unique experience in Allendale. The lads thought I had planned the whole thing to coincide with this sci fi weekend. Pure chance honest ! 

.  

 

PUB QUIZ IN GLASGOW

As our daughter works in Glasgow Mrs Ken and I dont need any excuse to go north. This time it was a Sunday to a Tuesday ( weekend before last ). 

Now in the new Good Beer Guide there is a new entry called Crossing the Rubicon. It was one of daughters haunts and they hold a quiz every Sunday night, so why not ? Located on the Great Western Road it was primarily a keg bar from Williams Brothers Brewery ( the co owners with Drygate Brewery) but they did sell real ale ( through founts), quite common in Scotland.

The quiz was called Speedquizzing, which I had heard of but not taken part in. You have to load an app onto your smartphone, or in our case a tablet. Enjoying my Merchant City 80/-, nice and malty, in walks the quizmaster , lugging a console thing, bags and other stuff. Out of one of the bags he dons a sparkly jacket. I thought " what have we walked into here ?"

Actually he quite was good and apparently he does different pubs most nights and daughter knew what to do. He sets it all up with a control app , then every team logs in with a team name. Ours was " Whiskey Pedia"

He then asked us all to nominate our theme tune, which would automatically play if we answered a question first. We picked from a list, Atomic by Blondie. 

So , the idea is that before each question he sends out either a keypad grid if letters A- E -  these are for multi choice questions, or a grid of  the full alphabet so we could answer by giving the first letter of the answer. So if question was, name the largest city in Scotland, you hit the letter G as quick as you can. The first in gets their signature tune played and max points.

( I hope you are all following this ?)  ( You lost me - ed)

Anyhow, our tablet kept dropping out and we had to log back on each time. Imagine doing that when you have to answer questions within a micro second ? So Mister Tinsel brought over a spare so we could use. Unfortunately he had typed in our team wrong , so for the rest of the night we were the  "Whisky Pedo's" !

Halfway thru he asked the teams to write down their  funniest joke, which he would read out for a prize.

Daughter suggested this :-

"Roses are Red, Violets are Glorious

Dont Creep up on Oscar Pistorious"

The team with the most laughs won. So we laughed and cheered at our own and won !.

A box of chocolate fingers
Some hand cream
4 cans of Williams of Joker IPA.

We came third overall which wasn't bad considering it was a quiz for the young ones ( I was oldest in the bar).

One final word - its back to the beer. I ordered another 80/- while daughter ordered a pint of some fruity keg IPA. I had a sip...it was bloody awful. It was so hoppy and bitter my cheeks sucked in to meet in the middle. She didnt like my beer either so its down to age and taste I guess.

A good night was had by all.

PS - had a chocolate finger the next day but no sign of the beer !! Someone must have knocked it all back in the intervening period.    

        

DIARY OF A BEER FESTIVAL

Being a personal account of the 2018 Sunderland Beer & Cider Festival.

Day 1 - Collection of equipment.

All the equipment for the beer festival is held in a lock up somewhere in South Tyneside ; and it all has to be transported to the festival venue, The Point in Sunderland. So thats everything that is needed to make up the 2 bars, the racking for the casks, handpulls, flooring and dozens of glasses and boxes. The heavy stuff went in one van which would be unloaded at the front of the venue, the rest in a second van to be unloaded at the back of the Point into the cellar. Access from the cellar was only possible by this dodgy lift that took our stuff to the festival, floor.

Several trips up and down were made in the lift, which only had one light - on the verge of going out. At some point at the end of this up and down, seven of the guys found themselves in the cellar waiting to go up. Luckily I wasn't one of them. No lift arrived. Where the hell are they. After 5 minutes I banged on the door. A muted response. Apparently they were stuck. We found out later the lift went down a few inches instead of up. The cellar door was locked from the inside so we couldn't get in to "rescue "them.

We found the caretaker who promptly rang someone and said " Hes going to try and get an electrician out "  Try ?

Suddenly the phone rang of one of us in the safety and comfort of the main hall. Updates were given and to comfort the magnificent seven down below, we told them an engineer would be out at 9am the next morning.

After half an hour ( some later said 20 minutes and 45 minutes ) the lift apparently "woke up ", and the door opened. What happened next was probably the fast exodus from a lift in history.

Day 2 - Set up day.

After collecting most of the casks and cider boxes from Maxim Brewery, as we do every year , we headed into town in the van to drop them off, to be carried up in the notorious lift. This time there were no incidents. 

Most of the guys were assembling the racking for the casks  and bar so decided to keep out of the way and wash the 400 plus glasses we had left over from last year. There is a small kitchen with a small glass washer. After spending several minutes figuring out how it worked, our efforts were helped enormously when we switched the power on at the wall. 

After a few button presses it was loaded up and we were good to go.

After about 10 mins and a few successful washes the guy who managed the place walked in. " That's broken" he said. " Well its working now, where do we send the repair bill ?"

Just then we all looked down at the slowly growing pool of water on the tiled floor of the kitchen. The water was heading to the door leading to the landing at the top of the staircase down to the entrance. With quick presence of mind the manger grabbed 3 ( I counted them) tissues, stuffed them against the door, then buggered off !!   He didnt come back.  

Luckily I found a mop and bucket so spent the next few hours with 2 others washing, re- boxing and mopping.  Another behind the scenes drama the punters never see.

Day 3 - Day One ( if you see what I mean)

I was busy behind the bar for most of the afternoon. This couple, who I remember from last year, kept coming to the bar and ordering one of the stouts. She came first, wandered off then shared her half with her boyfriend. Then he would come up and so on. After an hour of this they had gone through all the dark beers, including an 11% Russian Stout. They came over to say they were off, as he had a woodwork class to go to !! Visions of scenes of the DIY guy, Reg Prescott from the Kenny Everet show came to mind as they left for another year.

Day 4- Day two

I was helping out on the front desk today which included wrapping a wrist band round the payees and handing out glasses/ programs. One guy came back for a new wrist band as the one he had on was too tight, digging into his skin and severely restricting his drinking hand ! Cant have that !

I was a good way to get to know our customers but if I was honest I preferred behind the bar   

 

Day 5 - Day three

An interesting experiment was carried out today. One of the beers was from Black Sheep, a milk stout - newly released in bottle and cask . Now to me, it didnt taste like one, with no or not much lactose in it. Anyhow, one of the guys had a bottle so we had a blind taste of both. I thought the bottle was better -  in fact the score was 10 -7 in favour of the bottle !

I bought a one after the festival but have not tried it yet. 

This was a Saturday and we were just ticking over. Also my last day as heading for Glasgow on Sunday morning - see next blog soon.

      

CAMRA ANGLE AUTUMN ISSUE 53

The Autumn edition of CAMRA Angle , the quarterly magazine of the Sunderland and South Tyneside branch of CAMRA, has  just been published. Copies are being  distributed to real ale pubs throughout the area , and beyond. As usual , this is another full issue and well worth a read. 

The cover reflects the forthcoming Sunderland Beer & Cider Festival, now at The Point for its second year.

There is a sort of train theme to this issue, featuring a trip on a train pulled by the Flying Scotsman. Manchester is the departure point, with a look at some heritage pubs ; Carlisle is the destination, with another pub crawl. ( well why not)

There is an article about three station pubs in the North East plus a strange tale about having to lift a trapdoor to play darts. Yours truly took part in a Washington Wander, and yet again failed to escape the Washington Village black hole. We also celebrate a city's former brewery. ( Vaux by any chance ? - Ed)    


There are two book reviews this time and a brief look ahead to the 2019 Good Beer Guide. If that' s not enough,  there is look at the UK's first trademark, some cider information and a great night I had taking part in a CAMRA Tasting panel

A regular section is a news update on beer from the wood, pubs and  breweries in the branch as well as Locale pubs and those that offer discounts. Issue 53 is rounded off by the regular pub quiz. 

Enjoy the read !!

If you cant find a copy, follow this link to download your own,  and for more branch news. http://sst.camra.org.uk/wordpress/

 

And remember, accept no imitations.  

Posted by Kenp at 11:27

BEER AND THE BRAIN

I sometimes wonder about the power of the human brain. It can store and recall information in an instant. I have know idea how it does it, and I bet most scientists dont know either. Having said that, I can recall events from the distant past but forget where I left my car keys !

However it usually lefts me down after several beers, when the alcohol just kills everything !

So with that background, I was at a CAMRA meeting in The Tap & Spile, Framwellgate Moor, Durham City at the weekend. My brain told me this was only the second time I had been in the pub that sold some great beers. What it didnt tell wasn't till I was on the bus heading home.

Back in the late early 80's was the last time I had been there. I was with some mates doing a pub crawl in Framwellgate Moor...why I do not know !. One of my mates had a false eye, as a result of an accident when he was a kid. 

I dont recall how this happened, could have been due to laughing, but suddenly his false eye popped out of his socket and rolled on the floor. My brain doesnt tell me what our reaction was but I know he just grabbed it and shoved it back in. Then, like now it was a hard floor so no carpet fluff !

I still dont get how the brain reminded me of this on the way home and not when I was sitting in the pub, and why it doesn't remember anything else about that night.

Strange . 

LANDLORD, THERES A FLY IN MY PINT

Every Tuesday 6 of us gather in the Bridge Hotel Durham for a quiz. Of the 6, two are brothers.

One night 2 weeks ago, towards the end of the evening, a fly landed in the younger brothers pint.

1 week later, we were doing a one off Tuesday day time pub crawl in Newcastle instead. Our favourite pub of the day was the Town Mouse, all of us that is except the older brother. A fly landed in his pint as well !! To be fair, he only had a quarter left but the barman  gave him a half a pint as a replacement.

Rewind to the early 80's , a group of us were visiting the North York Moors. I had a very early Good Beer Good Guide then and a Theakstons Pub, The Hare in Scawton outside Thirsk,  looked interesting so we all piled in there. One of the guys in our party only drank Fed Best in a club as we ordered pints of Theakstons Best . Club man picked his up, looked at it, looked at me, looked at the beer again with some form of disgust. He had never seen anything like it before !

" Get it down you, better than that crap you usually drink"

He managed with some reluctance. 

One of our group had recently moved up from Manchester so we were unaware of his drinking habits. Eating a bag of  peanuts ( no bar meals in those days), when he had done he proceeded to rinse his mouth out, leaving the beer flat and with loads of little nut debris swilling around inside. 

" Of God, that's disgusting, you're not in Manchester now you know"

    

Unfortunately I was sat next to him and when I can back from the loo I accidentally picked his pint up, swallowing a lot of this peanut crap. It took me all of my will power to stop me spraying it all over everyone.

I still have nightmares !!

TALES FROM THE SOUTHWEST 2 - A NOISY PUB ENCOUNTER

For our recent holiday in Cornwall Mrs Ken & I stayed a few nights in Helston. On our arrival we walked into town and sought out the local Wetherspoons  ( The Coinage Hall) for something to eat. After an excellent pizza we crossed the street to the pub I was most interested in, The Blue Anchor.

This pub is an early brewpub, brewing Spingo Ales. It features in the Good Beer Guide and other "best pub" publications. It was built in the 15th century and comprises several small rooms and two bars, with a range of handpulls in the front room.  The barmaid was chatty and she pointed out all the beers they brew with recommendations. She also mentioned the beer garden out the back. Now the night in question was a World Cup match night ; when Belgium beat Japan at the final whistle.

So at the back of the pub they had erected a marquee with benches and tables facing a giant telly. Settling down we suddenly heard what sounded like a load of tambourines. Turning round, in had walked a group of Morris dancers. They are surely not going to do their stuff while the match is on ?

One of them, who looked like the main man, walked up and down, assessing the venue,. muttering to himself about "switching this crap off" , pointing at the TV. The game itself was on a knife edge when we noticed it had gone quiet behind us - they had disappeared ! 

At the end of the game I went to the bar for a quick half of their stout so asked the barmaid where  the Morris dancers had gone. " Well tonight is usually quiz night but they are making a special appearance, but decided they couldn't compete with the football, so they are performing outside in the street" Sure enough through the window I could see them doing their stuff. Each to his own.

We finished our drinks the same time as the dancers and walked back up the hill to the hotel, followed by one dancer, still in costume, a human tambourine.  As we walked he kept the same pace behind us. The noise !. There want much traffic and not many people around, but the noise !   Finally, and thankfully, he ducked into a side street and peace at last  descended on this sleepy town.

One more thing; the beer. It was OK.  I personally thought it could have been cooler ; it was a hot evening but even so. Maybe that's what the locals are used to.

 

   

A VISIT TO A TRAPPIST MONASTERY

A few months ago there was a news item about a Trappist monastery in Leicestershire that was about to start brewing beer. Mount St Bernard Abbey near Coalville became only the 12th monastery in the world, and the first in the UK, to brew Trappist style beer.  

Now as luck would have it, Mrs Ken and myself have just returned from a holiday in Cornwall and the monastery just so happens to lie in between the A42 and the M1. Seems crazy not to make the detour. Just as well we had satnav as there were no "tourist signs" to direct us.

As we arrived the bells of the abbey sounded ( which I thought was a nice touch) and saw 2 women clutching what  suspiciously looked like beer bottles heading  for their car near ours in the abbey car park. "He's just locked up and will be back in 15mins" I was told. " There are loads of bottles left !" Apparently the monk/brother had gone to midday prayers.

Champing at the bit and looking at the time on my phone every 2 minutes, eventually the shop door opened and the monk/brother waved me in and didnt seem surprised when I said " Ive come for the beer ".

"Are you Dutch ? he said  " Dutch, no I'm from the North East Sunderland ". " Hmm, you sound Dutch - I'm German"

 .

As you would expect the little shop was mostly full of religious items plus some honey jars and stacked on the floor were boxes of the beer, as well as a stash on a shelf.

As I was paying another guy walked in, seeking solace after England were knocked out of the world cup the day before. Soon there was  a surreal moment when a German monk, a Leeds supporter and myself were chatting about the World Cup.

Then in walked 4 more guys. "Ive come to buy some honey" , one announced, not believing him for a second . Back outside another car pulled up and the male driver was out

of the car nearly before the engine had stopped, followed by his 2 female companions. 

" Here for the beer I presume?" I said to the women. "Oh course, can you see the way he is striding across the car park".

Suddenly, everything was alright with the world, the football defeat forgotten.

And the beer, well I had some last night. Its called Tynt Meadow, named after a field nearby. Its 7.4% and brewed and bottled in the old monastery kitchen. You can buy the beer but not drink it there, they don't have a license.  It's bottled conditioned and has a sort of muddy brownish colour...very quaffable.

TALES FROM THE SOUTHWEST 1 - A BARMAIDS GEOGRAPHY LESSON

For nearly 2 weeks Mrs Ken & myself have been in Cornwall, our first time. The first hotel was just outside Helston, home of the Blue Anchor pub ( subject of another post later). Next to the hotel was a pub called the May Tree, which sold a St Austell beer ( Tribute) and food, so we dined there one night. 

A friendly barmaid came over to take our beer and food order and we got chatting. 

" Have you heard about our 40% of food offer, if you have voucher".

No voucher.

" Its OK, I like you, will take the 40% off when you are ready. Where are you guys from?"

"The North East near Sunderland"

"Ive got friends from there in the Lake District"

" No No, the other side..just below Scotland"

"You don't sound Scottish !"

Had to resort to saying Newcastle and another clue " Geordies ?"

The light went on . " Ah Geordies, was wondering about the accent".

" We come from the same place as the England goalie ?" Total blank. 

" You know, Jordan Pickford, the World Cup" more blank.        " Oh yeah, thats on the telly, heard about that but not being watching it" 

When paying I thought I would try it on with the 40% discount for the next night. She pulls a voucher out of the till, left by a previous customer. " Here, you can have this one"

Next night she said " Thank you for enhancing my geographical knowledge last night"

Saved about £9 over the two nights, so gave her a generous tip !

A GAME OF DOMINOES IN A PUB

I friend of mine who i first met nearly 50 years ago died recently. He like telling funny stories, all of which were true. The thing is he kept repeating them every 2 or 3 years so this one I have heard several times. I wasnt actually at this games of pub dominoes but i fell that I was

In the early 70s' we used to drink in the Cross Keys on Washington Village Green. One Saturday afternoon four of my mates met up for a game of dominoes. The game was in full flow when one guy ( he's dead as well !) called Ronnie dropped a domino just as it was his turn. He checked the table then underneath but couldn't find it. They moved the table over, being careful not to spill any pints. Still no sign of it.  Each one of them checked where they were sitting even lifting cushions up on the bench seats. Nothing.

Someone suggested underneath the bench seat but , despite fumbling around in the dust and fluff, still no joy. Asking Molly the landlady for help she disappeared and eventually came back with a torch. 

By now the whole bar was watching these goings on as Ronnie knelt down, shone the torch and bingo, found the missing domino underneath the bench right next to the skirting board. Soon order was eventually restored, the table back in position and Ronnie poised with his now complete set of dominoes. Everyone sighed, had a drink and waited . He checked his hand and said :-

"Knocking".

Well, the pub was in uproar !. True Story