THE ART OF COARSE DRINKING

This news item may have escaped your notice but journalist and author Michael Green died last week. 

"Who ?" I hear you say. Well Green was a contributor to the Observer and the Sunday Times from the 50s, with some  witty sports articles. He was persuaded to write a book which was released as "The Art of Coarse Rugby", in 1960. Others followed, including the "Art of Coarse Sailing" and my favourite - "The Art of Coarse Drinking" ( 1973). I still have my copy I bought in 1975 ( 40p), plus some other "coarse" books

So why the term coarse. Well its used to describe amateur enthusiasts in the sport or pastime that they follow ; in the case of sport being useless at it. 

I don't think this funny book is meant to be taken too seriously but some of his anecdotes ring bells with me. This describes "mishaps" with all types of booze, pubs, parties - in fact any occasion or location associated with booze. 

There is one paragraph that my wife can identify with. Standing at a bar waiting to be served for a coffee, a tall forceful drinker will breeze in and his very presence means he will get served ahead of whoever may be in front of him.  Which is why I always get lumbered going to the bar.

Written in the early seventies, there is no direct reference to real ale as such. He graphically describes life in pubs with little beer choice, stale out of date food under a glass case at the end of the bar and often violent pub dogs. On the last subject , he does point out that friendly dogs who wander the pub scrounging crisps off the locals often mean there is a friendly landlord/ landlady.The Monument pub in Penshaw is like this , but with 3 or more dogs !

He mentions a fantasy pub in the village of Adulterating on the Wold where the staff spoke in with a foreign accent. This actually happened to me the other week in a pub in Sunderland - with a sea view. Mrs Ken and myself went out for lunch ( fish & chips) and the waiter spoke with an Italian accent.

He cleared the table next to me and noticed that some of the leg screws were loose. So he found a member of staff to help him put it back together. As they were discussed the problem, I noticed he had actually dropped the accent and was speaking like a local       

The author vividly describes getting mortal by drinking a pint of Creme De Menthe. I know someone who was on the equivalent amount of Southern Comfort in the 70s, he was in bed for 2 days!

I like to think I am a coarse drinker !

Michael Green' s books are still in print and usually available form a certain online retailer. If you want a good laugh - recommended.

PS I can lend out this book for a small fee ( A pint...but not Creme de Menthe)